Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A Thrill Up The National Leg

Observations on this historic inauguration day, as Barack Obama is now the President of the United States:

With tousled hair, NPR just pulled the sheets up and is now smoking a cigarette.

Now that Obama is officially president, the honeymoon is over and the media has begun asking the tough questions. Which will he do first: heal the sick or raise the dead?

Hey, how about that oath of office with Obama and John Roberts? I don't think I've seen an exchange that awkward since the Sammy Sosa/Mark McGwire 62nd homer half-handshake half-hug. Or, to quote Dennis Miller from another context, "I haven't seen choreography that stiff since the Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer.

Sadly, Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Massachusetts) apparently collapsed at Obama's inaugural lunch with Congress today. On the other hand, let's be honest--it's merely one of thousands of times Ted Kennedy has collapsed at lunch. He is now said to be alert--a vast improvement over the middle 60 years of his life.

Strangely enough, Senator Robert Byrd (KKK-Virginia) also collapsed at the luncheon. Apparently the former Klansman fainted upon the realization that a black man is now president.

I'm glad we finally got rid of the elitist Bush Administration so that we can finally have an administration that looks like the real America. I loved that pro-choice feminist transgendered hermaphroditic brass band wearing hemp uniforms and Birkenstock shoes and riding in the electric car in the parade. Just like home.

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