I watched the driving/nursing/child-endangering mom on O'Reilly last night, and the verdict is in: guilty of extreme creepiness. She was found innocent, however, of child-endangerment, though she was using her child as a potential airbag on the Ohio Turnpike.

Both she and her husband turned out to be hyper-verbal, high school forensics types, who also apparenly do all sorts of stupid and/or dangerous things in an effort to challenge the government's authority.

Memo to "Christian" moms (actually, not all of you--just those of you in sects/cults/fringe groups who will loudly claim to be Christians in court) who are planning to murder your children, group-marry one guy, or suckle your infant while hang-gliding: when you show up in court, would it be asking to much for you to slap on a little makeup and wear something besides the roomy burlap jumper? I'm not saying you have to change your whole way of life--I'm only talking about the public appearances in court and on Good Morning America. You'd really only have to jettison the Rapunzel-haired, Patti Smith-in-a-nursing-bra look for a couple of hours.

My wife's an actual Christian, and I don't like to see her stereotyped as a bland, hollow-cheeked Stepford drone, but some of you cult gals are making it difficult. Thanks for your consideration. Now you can go back to filling up the bathtub.