Monday, January 09, 2006

Morally Neutral

Doug Wilson scripts the Alito hearings:
"Judge Alito, I am afraid that I must come right to the point. If confirmed to the U.S. Supreme Court, would you allow your personal beliefs and morals to dictate anything with regard to your behavior in office?"

"Senator, thank you for this opportunity to address this important question right away. I have had a lot of time to work through the ramifications of this question as I was preparing for this hearing. And after much meditation and prayer, I am prepared to say that I will not allow my personal beliefs to interfere in any way with my official behavior."

"I have to say that I am gratified to hear that, judge. Would it be too much to extend your remarks to the much debated question of Roe v. Wade?"

"I suppose you could do that, although that was not what I had in mind. I was thinking more of the possibility of taking bribes. There are some cases coming up where the appellant is dripping in money. That, and the fact that I was thinking about a little sexual harassment of some of the law clerks -- I have seen more than a few hotties up there, I can tell you that."

"Um . . . Judge Alito, I think you may have gotten a little, um, off message."

"Not at all, senator."

"So your testimony is that you plan on taking bribes and doing a little groping?"

"Yes, senator."

"You can't be serious."

"Deadly serious, Senator Kennedy. But please make no mistake. Taking bribes and being unfaithful to my wife remain deeply inconsistent with my core values. Nothing about that has changed."
Read the rest at BLOG and MABLOG.

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