And Now For Something Completely Different

Doug Wilson, in an unrelated context, supplies an excellent analogy to my conversation with the conspiracy theorist:

[It] reminds me of an old Monty Python skit where a television interviewer is talking to a man who claims to be Queen Elizabeth I. The host raises a series of objections, which the interviewee deftly handles, but finally the interviewer says, "But Queen Elizabeth has been dead for three and half centuries!" And the man responds, "Yes, well that's where my theory falls apart."