Monday, October 20, 2003

In case you missed it, it appears that a number of former American presidents have experienced posthumous conversions to. . . .the Reverend Sun Myung Moon's Unification Church. That's right: the Moonies.

The article from the Moonies' website even contains helpful post-mortem testimonies from these former presidents. Here are snippets from a few of them:
I, George Washington, am deeply moved to learn through Mr. Sang Hun Lee the identity of Rev. Sun Myung Moon, learn about Rev. Moon's accomplishments and philosophy, and come to a realization that he has appeared as the Messiah...

...I realize that the American people are blessed by the mere fact that the Messiah is present on American soil. Yet, they appear unable to realize this deeply. I am deeply distressed over this.
I can imagine. Thomas Jefferson, who used to be a Deist, also makes an appearance. I was hoping he'd revoke (or at least explain) his Letter to the Danbury Baptist Association, but instead he simply hails the messiah/Washington Times publisher:
People of America, rise again. Return to the nation's founding spirit. Follow the teachings of Rev. Sun Myung Moon, the Messiah to all people, who has appeared in Korea. There is no inconsistency between our founding spirit and his teachings. Well-known presidents and kings from history are excited by the greatness of his philosophy of peace.
Gosh, I hate to be a critic, but it's not exactly "When in the course of human events..."

Even Jack Kennedy gets into the act!:
Those of you at the United Nations, I am John Kennedy!

I want to declare an extremely important thing to you today. The fact that Kennedy is sending a message from the spiritual world to the United Nations is something that cannot be imagined in your world, and it is very significant news. Through attending lectures of the new truth, Divine Principle and Unification Thought here in the spirit world, I have understood the direction and goal that the world must take today.
Who would've guessed that people from Massachusetts would speak broken, oddly-syntaxed English in the afterlife? Or that there would be lectures, for that matter? Sounds like fun. Like buying a time-share, only worse.

Moon even has an endorsement from Nixon on his site, which you have to admit takes a certain amount of guts even for a self-proclaimed messiah.

(Thanks to the guys at the Boar's Head Tavern for the heads up on this one.)

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