Monday, April 10, 2006

Work Emails

With the new Busch Stadium in St. Louis opening today, my friend Dave and I were exchanging observations on the event via email. Obviously, being big Cardinal fans, we both wish we could be there.

In a seemingly unrelated note, you may know that the birth certificates of many Domincan players have been disputed over the last few years, and baseball commentators are always speculating on the fact that Albert Pujols doesn't seem like he's only 25. And Dave and I are both 37.

That having been said, here's our email exchange. This is time well-spent:
John: Whaddya say we plan to meet [at the new ballpark] in October of 2046, when they begin demolition on it?

Dave: I'm in. You bring the geritol and I'll bring the prunes.

John: The good news is, even though we'll be old, Albert Pujols will still be older....

Dave: His birth certificate is like the odometer on my car. Each year he gains a year. He's still only twenty five. But he was first born in 1959.

John: I watched "Woodstock" again on PBS the other night, and I noticed Albert Pujols dancing in the front row to Country Joe and the Fish.

Dave: He must have taken one of the brown tabs. He should have reported to the nurses tent. I heard he used to date Joni Mitchell.

John: We should have all gotten some idea when he was featured as a guest on the old "Ed Sullivan Show."

Dave: He was truly great in those early Sun record days. Nothing quite like that picture of Albert Pujols, Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, and Carl Perkins. The million dollar quartet.

John: Yeah, it was only the fact that he was balding which left him behind in the major cultural transformation from radio to television. If he had the hair of those other guys, he'd still be performing today.

Dave: Double true. His voice characterizations in Orson Wells' "War of the Worlds" were simply astounding. What a talent.

John: Well, from what I understand, the original plan was to build the entire RKO radio network around him. He was just such a phenomenal talent. But he was drafted when the U.S. was gearing up for the war in Europe, which put the kibosh on the whole thing. I guess they were conscripting Dominican troops. It really was a World War.

Dave: Well, he served with Black Jack Pershing in the Rainbow Division during the First one, it's only natural they'd call him back into service.

John: How could they not? I mean, having distinguished himself by receiving the Congressional Medal of Honor because of his actions at the Battle of Antietam, and with President Lincoln's accolades ringing in everyone's ears, it would be natural for Black Jack to want to get hold of him. And once you're in with those people, you're in!

Dave: So we've got him at about 170 years old now? He's now the same age as Montgomery Burns. Excellent.
Only tangentially related is this snippet from Albert's ESPN bio, which convulses me in fits of giggles every time I look at it:
Proper Name: Jose Alberto Pujols
Born: January 16, 1980
Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic
Height: 6-3
Weight: 225 lbs.
Age: 26
Pronounced: POO-holes
So I grant that I could probably be more mature. Which I would be, if I were only as old as Albert Pujols.

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