Wednesday, November 12, 2003

What's the deal with you people who insist on making a big production out of backing into a parking space?

What exactly is the purpose of that? I'm sure it's a good one, because otherwise I know you would never dream of holding up a whole line of traffic just so that you could properly line up your big, stupid Buick for the slow, grandiose back-in, but I just don't know what it is.

I mean, are you going to possibly be called upon to go out crime-fighting? Are you awaiting the call from Commissioner Gordon, and you need to be able to make as quick a getaway as possible?

Or perhaps you're picking up one of those Igloo coolers with a human liver in it, so that you can rush it to the airport to be flown to the transplant unit?

I know there must be some life-or-death reason. I have too much respect for you to think that you're a solipsistic, narcissistic jackass who's willing to inconvenience the world to save yourself ten seconds on your way out. Right?

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